I have waited so long to be this happy. My boyfriend, Lester, moved in with my son Sammy and me last week. I met Lester at the tofu factory where I work. He’s so shy. I would watch him every day standing on the assembly line cooking up tofu, and then soon he would lug a big slab of it over to me so that I could make burgers with it. His muscles would ripple. He’s so cute. And sincere. I would see him in the break trailer just sitting alone and frowning to himself and smoking all the time.

I didn’t want to seem forward and ask him for a date, so I just invited him to come live with us. As a roommate. I don’t really have an extra room, unless you count the loft where Sammy is supposed to sleep, but Sammy still sleeps with me. I know, five years old, he should have his own room, but it’s just a habit we haven’t broken yet.

Lester and I got romantic when we went out dancing last week, so now he sleeps with Sammy and me. That’s pretty nice of him to let us include Sammy, but I can’t see kicking a little boy out of the only sleeping arrangement he’s ever known and being replaced suddenly by a great big stranger. We will have to separate him from us slowly.

Sammy said he didn’t want Lester to come live with us, but what was I supposed to do? His dad doesn’t want to be with us, I’m only forty-one. Don’t I ever get to see what it’s like to have a family? I wasn’t ready just to hang it all up yet, and be a devoted mother until Sammy goes off and has a life of his own. I still need a life too.

Men are hard to come by, especially at my age. Lester is kind of different, he’s got rotten grammar and he’s thirteen years younger than I am, but he’s got a kind heart, and he’s "down home," if you know what I mean. He likes to drink beer and listen to country western songs and watch TV. I’ve always wanted a man like that. Simple.

We are a family, and we are watching TV right now.

"Don’t go playin’ with all that tape there. It costs a lot ‘a money." He says to Sammy.

Now Sammy is looking at me as if to say, ‘Do I really have to listen to this guy?"

"It’s okay, Lester," I say. He’s doing something creative with it and it’s cheaper than buying a new toy, after all."

I hope Lester doesn’t start thinking that his word means nothing around here. I’ve heard about how hard it is for guys to move in with women and their children, because they always feel left out. I don’t want Lester to feel that way.

"Well he’s got the tape all over the damn place."

"That’s okay. He’s having fun."

Lester sure doesn’t know anything about kids. If they’re happy for a few minutes, enjoy the peace, is what I say.

I don’t want to ever argue with Lester. I have GOT to make this thing work. I know what happens once two people start fighting all the time, they lose that romantic feeling and they never really feel the same again. When I start to resent someone I turn into a bitch. Please, please don’t ever let me have to be a bitch with Lester. I’m so happy the way we are now. I feel so soft and womanly. I want to stay that way. I’ll always be sweet, even if I disagree with him about something.

Sammy is jumping rope.

"Take that thing OUTSIDE with you, Lester says.. I can’t hear nothin."

Sammy is looking all confused at me again. I don’t remember Lester being so bossy before he moved in with us.

"He needs to jump, Lester. He’s got an active little body."

"Well he can do it outside."

"He’s lonely outside. There are no kids around."

Lester is scowling back into the TV. I sigh.

"Sammy Honey, your jumping is making Lester nervous.

"But I wanna jump. You said I could."

"I know, but…"

"WATCH!" he shrieks.

"Oh wow. That’s neat!"

"Lester, LOOK," he calls.

Lester jerks his head away from the TV., then turns it back again.

"Mommy can I have some cinnamon toast?"

"Sure."

"He just ate." Lester says.

"I know, but this is dessert."

I like the words in Lester’s country western songs. I never knew what those songs were about until I met him. They are all about "fussin and fightin and cheatin and lovin…" I think I have always been out of that loop. I never could get into the drama of a relationship, and it made me feel…well…sterile? Less of a woman. It’s a wonder I even finally had a baby, but I was thirty-six and started watching reruns of "Little House on the Prairie," and I felt cheated by life. I felt like I was just sliding on top of it and not really getting my teeth into it. I wanted fertility. I wanted grit. So I had a baby.

I started watching families do things and go places together, and spend evenings around the TV, and I wanted that, too. Well, Lester was unattached, uncomplicated and kind of gritty, so I wanted him.

"You let that kid walk all over you," he says.

"It’s okay. He just wants a little treat, that’s all. Huh, Sammy?"

The kid. That sounds kind of cold. But in a way it makes me feel all family-ish, too, like we’re a couple of rednecks and we just pop out babies all the time. It makes me feel feminine.

"NOW what the hell is he doin’?"

"He’s playing "dive bomb." He likes to run and slam into the couch."."

"He’s gonna wreck it"

‘It’s already wrecked. It’s just a dumb old piece of foam rubber. The kids jumped on it all the time when I ran a daycare here. It gave them something to do."

"Well he can’t jump all over furniture. What if he comes to visit my folks? Can’t you teach him to behave?"

"He is behaving. He’s having fun."

"Well I can’t hear my show."

Sammy, Honey, could you not make that loud motor sound? Lester’s trying to watch a show, Okay?"

Like I say, I really don’t remember Lester being so bossy before. Maybe he is just feeling like he should act like a dad. I’ll have to admit, it has been kind of nice all these years not having to make any apologies for what Sammy does with me here in our own home. WITH OUR OWN STUFF.

Well, that’s what it’s like, I guess, when you have a family. There are compromises to be made, but look at the benefits. Here I have a partner now, and someone who knows how to fix things, and likes to chop wood. And, of course, I get to sleep with him, which is pretty nice, although it will be more comfortable when Sammy gets used to sleeping by himself.

Wow. His parents. He DID say his parents, didn’t he? See? He thinks of us as almost married. I really DO have a family. I belong somewhere. I’m not just this floozy encounter who happened to get knocked up, like I am to Sammy’s dad. I’ve never even met anyone from his dad’s family. But now I’ve got one of my own. And they don’t even seem to think I’m weird because I’m so much older than Lester. I guess we can iron out a few wrinkles with all of that to keep us going.

"Shut the damn DOOR!!"

Uh oh.

"Sammy?" I go over to the open door. "Sammy what are you getting out there, Honey?"

He is crouching around in the yard.

"Some stuff to make something with."

"Oh. Well, I need to close the door until you come back in, okay?"

"Here I come."

Sammy scoots back into the house and I close the door. He is cradling an armload of weeds and rocks and dirt in his arms.

"What are you going to do with those?"

"I’m gonna cook."

He runs up to the kitchen counter and dumps his load on the space next to the sink.

"Mommy do you have a pan?"

"Sweetheart, I think you’re dribbling on the floor…"

"GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE!!!!!" Lester yells.

"It’s okay, Lester, I’m…"

Lester springs up from his chair and stalks to the kitchen.

"What the hell are ya DOIN’? Why’d you let him bring that shit in here? Don’t he have no respect for a kitchen? HEY!" he glares at Sammy.

"Please, Lester, you’re making him feel bad. He just wants to pretend like he’s cooking something…it’s okay. We’ve got it, you can relax…"

I scan Sammy’s face for a reaction. He looks terrified. He looks betrayed. Damn you Lester. Damn you damn you damn you. Who in the hell do you think you are? Here Sammy and I were just living our lives together and now we have to worry about pleasing YOUR ass all the time. How DARE you just come into our house and make us feel so on edge? I hate you. What the hell do you know about kids? I wish I’d never met you. No, I mean I wish I had never NEEDED to meet you. I wish I didn’t need you now.

"It’s okay, Lester," I say again, smiling. "We’ll take care of everything."

"I’m goin’ up to the bar."

"Okay. That’s fine. You’ll feel better when you get back. Cabin fever, is all."

I put my arms around him and give him a hug.

He looks calmer now, maybe even a tiny bit contrite. He really is a handsome, sensitive guy.

Soon I hear his truck pull out of the driveway. Thank heavens I kept my temper. I did what a real woman should, just like in those country western songs. I stood by my man. I didn’t let him see me be a bitch, because I know that if he did, he would not think I was desirable any more. I couldn’t let that happen. I think he still likes me. Men are really hard to come by. And I’m almost forty-two.

"Well, now, Honey. How shall we cook up your stew?"

"Mommy why does Lester have to be here?"

I sigh again. "Well…"

"He talks funny, too."

"I know, but, well, I just thought maybe we could have a family. Like, he said we could go some time and meet his parents. Wouldn’t that be fun?"

"Yeah."

We break up some grassy handfuls of something and throw it into a pan, add mud, rocks, and stir.